It's Tofurky Time!

Although Thanksgiving is still a week away, Chico State celebrated early today with its annual Tofurky Day Feast. The meal was put on by the students from the Environmental Action and Resource Center (EARC) and was made entirely from organic and vegan foods. I have never had Tofurky before in my life, and I was really curious to see how the wizards of soy could create something as bizarre as phony fowl. So as EARC had requested, I showed up to the feast with my own plate, glass and eating utensils to avoid throwing away unnecessary garbage. But I guess I broke off the short end of the soy wishbone, because they had just run out of Tofurky minutes before I arrived. So all I received were sides of organic mashed potatoes, organic stuffing, organic cranberry sauce, a persimmon, and a glass of organic, fair trade, shade-grown coffee. But hey, I wasn't complaining. It's not often that someone gives you free food that's actually good for you.

Speaking of free food that's good for you (if this ain't a segue, I don't know what is), I got quite a bit of that at the Green Festival. Since I could go on and on about what I ate, I'll limit my discussions to only the items that I found interesting. The first was Justin's Honey Almond Butter. Yes, I know... there's nothing too crazy about almond butter. I've seen it before at the stores and farmers markets, but I don't think I ever really tried it until this weekend. A woman was passing out little ketchup-sized packets of the stuff, and after discovering pure nirvana with the first one, I kept swinging by to swipe more. I'm quite convinced that honey almond butter is the healthier version of crack. I highly suggest you endorse Justin's Honey Almond Butter or make some illegally in your garage. Something that tastes that good has to be illegal.

It seemed like hemp was the big food item of choice at this festival. Like its neighbor soy, hemp can be used in almost anything. Some things hemp tastes really good in, like granola. It makes a crunchy snack that's just as good as dried rolled oats. But then there are some things that people should never, ever, EVER use hemp to make... like milk. Yes, you heard me right. MILK! My question is this: how the hell are you supposed to milk hemp? Does it have tiny little udders that you have to squeeze with tweezers? And what type of hemp was someone smoking to come up with with the very notion of hemp milk? I tried two varieties: plain hemp milk, and chocolate hemp milk. The chocolate hemp was OK, but that plain hemp... hoo boy. Tasted like someone took some grass shavings and pulped it in a blender. I think I'll save my hemp for just granola and clothing, thank you very much.

Soy made its appearance all over the place... in milks, juices, crackers, teas, coffees, and who knows what else. I've already mentioned how Organic Valley here in California had a great soy milk/orange juice hybrid drink. It tasted like liquid orange cream candy. One of the soy products I DIDN'T care for, however, was Soy Jerky. There are some products—like hamburger, sausage, and possibly turkey—in which soy can take the place of meat, but soy jerky was not one of them. After trying some, I felt like I was chewing on the sides of my leather boots. In addition to soy, wheat grass also made appearances in several booths, but I didn't dare drink the nasty green gag water they made from that stuff. When it comes to grass water, that's where I draw the line.

As far as crackers went, a surprise favorite of mine was Doctor Kracker. They were extremely tasty for crackers only made from wheat, oats and spelt (which I just learned is a type of hulled wheat). Check out their web site to learn more about these lip-smacking crackers (and be sure to listen to their nifty cracker jingle!). And for tasty fruit drinks, Sambazon (not to be confused with Zombo.com) turned out to be my clear favorite. They use the açai berry in their beverages, which has a little bit of a pomegranate taste to it. Sambazon is also great because it turns your mouth all purple so you can gross out your friends. Get your kids hooked on this stuff and they'll love you for life.

Now that I've tried out some of these products at the Green Festival, I'm much more inclined to buy them (or similar varieties) at the natural food stores and not get all freaked out like I did last week. It's taking me baby steps to switch over to healthier eating, but I'm slowly getting there. And who knows... maybe tomorrow I'll cook me up some Tofurky and see if it's really as tofuriffic as they say.